The Importance of Zero

It's a tough thing; a tough thing, and odd. But not necessarily a bad thing.

While the mathematical significance of numbers is unquestionable, the emotional significance is no less monumental. Without the numbers 1, 2 and 3, I would not be able to count the spheres of people's eyes when, in a nominal situation to them, I am desperately biding my time, searching for an exit way. Without the numbers 0, 2, 3 and 6, I would be left to exigently seek a new system of word-codes. The absence of numbers would leave everyone vacant of the knowledge of birthdays, anniversaries, appointments, and schedules. Chaos would be captain of that ship. And these things are directly responsible for our emotional health. We find comfort in having schedules; we take pride in being punctual; we keep others happy by remembering birthdays and anniversaries. This knowledge is good for us, and it is dependent upon a system of numerals.

And we use people daily. We use our friends and family, our loved ones, our enemies, strangers, store clerks, employers/employees—everyone. And again, while this has the potential of evil, it is not so inherently.

Allow me to explain. The negative connotation to the verb "to use" in regards to relationships has become transient and nonsensical; everybody assumes it's a bad thing, but nobody really thinks about the meaning.

***Hypothetical Situation #1: A man dates a very attractive girl, not so much because he likes her for "who she is" but merely because she is attractive.

***Hypothetical Situation #2: A woman marries a wealthy man not because she is "in love" with him, but because she wants to have a safe place for her children and money can provide security.

Here's what I say: both of those situations are fine with me. I see no problem with them whatsoever. Relationships, after all, are all about what you have to give to the other person and what you can get out of them. Few, if any, people get into a relationship for no reason whatsoever. "Oh, I just feel like calling someone my boy/girlfriend today" is probably not an expression that has ever been muttered. Most want to squelch the pang of loneliness, or fulfill the instinct of matrimony, or satisfy some carnal hunger (hopefully the latter can be squelched in most cases). I want to be in a relationship for the companionship, the sharing of experiences with someone, the comfort of another's arms around me, the convenience of having someone help me with Life. A vast multitude of other things, as well. What I want to give: the same things back; as well as the protection of my furious fists, the experience to save them trouble and pain, the knowledge to make them comfortable and provide security with a home and a family and all the other beautifully barbaric necessities of Life.

So, am I "using" someone to get specific things? Are they not "using" me for the things they can get out of me?

Of course! If a female chooses me over some other guy, not because she likes me more, but because I can offer something they can't, I'm okay with that. And I think most people would be if the idea is couched in such terms. Use me for my love, and I shall provide it. Hence, the nature of relationships.

What, then, do numbers have to do with using people? Essentially everything. But track with me here. The number zero is circular and begins a sequence of numbers that continue into infinity. The number nine is a circle with a tail pointing south that, in symbol value, ends the sequence of numbers. The circle begins the sequence, and the circle grows a tail pointing south to end it. In the middle of the sequence are various shapes and dimensions that comprise the whole of the numerical system. Hopefully this is starting to make sense. Relationships begin with a promise, a pact. In other words, a circle. And relationships end in, at worst, a broken promise (a tine pointing south) and at best, a fulfilled death. In between one finds a plethora of shapes and sizes and eternal dimensions of shade. Without a pattern of numbers, no real happiness would exist in relationships, as well as no measure of success. We use numbers, we count on each other; we use each other and we number everything in life. I have had 1 relationship. That number will mean something to any future partner. And it will mean something very different from the number 9. At the End, we will view our lives and relationships as a series of numbers (I only swore 1,453,590 times); I loved my wife on each and every day of my life (298,914 days).

Count your blessings in Life, and never underestimate the importance of a circle--no other shape means as much: except, perhaps, a triangle.

Tschuss!

The Six Steps of Complete Desecration - Step 6

My friends, we have finally reached the End.

And I'm sorry to say that I have failed.

You see, Step Six is very simple in theory, and nearly impossible in practice. I, like so many before, thought the trial would be accomplished: not without harm, but accomplished nonetheless. After all, I have been methodically following the Steps. As the hero of my own story, I thought that failure was not an option.

I was wrong.

Now I face demise.

And my only comfort would be a hand to hold...

Farewell.

The Six Steps of Complete Desecration - Step 5

We are nearing the end of our journey together; I must remind you that my time is short. Things will accelerate quickly from here and then, the end.

Love begins with a circle and ends with a tail pointing South. The feeling I get is akin to nostalgia: life must be better than this--must be warmer than this--to keep the butterfly of truth in one's hand. But on the necessary occasion that the truth flees, salvation alone relies upon the individual's ability to perform one thing and one thing alone.

Love.

However, Love only makes sense when the self has been removed from the equation. The continuation of being holds no relevance to the end of any situation, as long as the situation demands the preservation of all; and children are brought to the forefront of the argument.

Step Four forces each to consider the true value they have, and Step Five provides the inevitable answer:

"Everyone should be blessed for their acts of kindness, and everyone should be forgiven for their faults...

...except me."

The Six Steps of Complete Desecration - Step 4

Herein lies the default of failure for most. From whence comes the horror of such loneliness also comes the drastic and lewd thought of denial. Nowhere, on Earth or in Heaven, is there such a void of gentle thought as in the heart. I long for a pining of better days, and a sense of the majesty to come; but fear for the sanguine parchment that refuses my mind rest.

Could it be said that the violence has been exterminated and that the feral thoughts had finally run their wicked course, I would be free.  Not from any terrestrial plane or safe harbor leading, once again, to the ineffable closure of discontinued existence, but a tiny, shining heart beating from a perfect and holy body.

To this I reply that only the fallen can regain their feet, for the lesson lies in learning, and perhaps nothing is more important than the answer to this question:

"Would not the world be a better place without my self in it?"

The Six Steps of Complete Desecration - Step 3

Within my limited field of vision I saw a blank piece of black paper. With no one around I decided to write upon it. In white ink, I scrawled a line from Paradise Lost:

[...] But, if much converse perhaps
Thee satiate, to short absence I could yield:
For solitude sometimes is best society,
And short retirement urges sweet return. (Milton, Book 9)

The paper became sordid and my glance upon it began to burn. Milton's line came from a part of me that I rarely ponder, yet always act upon. This solitude he speaks of cannot be held for long, for as Aristotle noted, man is a social animal. So the fault lies in the machine, and daily the fault spreads to incorporate the standing and the fallen consecutively.

Herein lies the difficult trial of Step Three:

"If there are none on the road I walk and I fall down, to whom can I look for balance?"

The Six Steps of Complete Desecration - Step 2

...and now I have an ultimatum. Somewhere in the surly part of my mind I have an idea of Penance. To carve out the defects that lower the quality of my existence. Perhaps too much ambition caused me to slip with the scalpel in hand, but the problem still remains that I was not the only one that I wounded. To be a servant of imagination, always hoping, always wishing, always trusting, became the mantra that we practiced; ideology trumped the pragmatic nature of daily movement, to a degree where the flow of personality could not freely exist in more than one place at a time.

Step Two can be much more readily understood in the question:

"Can I help others, when I can't even help myself?"